Dostana

 

 

Dear Tarun & Karan (in case you ghost directed the movie as I could see your elements in it),

 

Revenge is in the air!

No this isn’t about Ghajini - it’s about me, my money and my time which I wasted on your over-rated movie. Once again you, Mr. Johar, the marketing genius, created enough buzz about the movie and promised the viewers to expect something hatke – the first of it’s kind story with a gay touch (which I thought could be an autobiography, ouch!). But then all we got was another version of Kal Ho Na Ho + glossy version of Deewana Mastana + dash of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. So let’s get under the skin of Dostana or should we say Dost-aana?

 

Your movie starts with a gyrating Shilpa Shetty and muscle flexing John Abraham putting their only marketable strongpoints on display. Thank you for not letting Shetty to mouth inane lines like “chakkar pe chakkar pange pe panga, yeh picture tumko padega bahut mehga”. Anyways after that that song (which ofcourse has nothing to do with the movie), which only served the purpose of enticing the front benchers to howl like a pack of wolves, we were introduced to two perfectly straight men. They fake to be a gay couple, get to share the apartment with Priyanka, fall in love with her (together) only to lose her to Chamku boss. The end.

 

What? That’s it? Some funny lines, songs, skin show and Miami. Is that what we expect from the man who believes “sapnon ka canvas chota nahi ho sakta”. What about the content? What about such a promising premise which could be exploited to make a true laugh riot? All you could get out of me was a couple of laughs – a couple of laughs for 300 bucks? I reckon that’s a bad deal!

Basically the movie was so shallow in content that it was banking heavily on the gay jokes and the chemistry between Abhishek and John. Sadly they couldn’t emulate the success of SRK-Saif gay act in Kal Ho Na Ho as the surprisingly funny and spontaneous Abhishek was paired with a finely chiseled piece of teak wood. Abhishek, the ‘no-body’ among ‘heavenly bodies’, is a treat to watch here, especially in the dream sequence. John surprisingly sails through the movie with his patented twin expressions – the surprised one and the annoyed one. In between them, he smiles and flexes his biceps. Wow! That’s enough to send the desi chicks drooling, right? What an idea, sirjee!

 

Priyanka looks like a million bucks – wonder who was her god-damned stylist in Fashion! She doesn’t have to display any histrionics, mostly smiles, some tears, killer clothes and a lotta skin -bhailog khush. Kiron Kher as the eternal filmy Mummy is perfectly cast. In fact the other lol-ing scene involved her. Ah! I almost forgot about Mr. Chamku, who was the surprise package of the movie. Surprise? Huh! I know it’s your evil marketing mind at work again, Karan. You didn’t want to spoil the prospects of the movie by showcasing Bobby. Bravo.

 

So what else is bothering me after watching this uber cool movie of yours?

Well, to start with the caricatures in your movie are becoming so predicatable and unfunny –  Ms Briganza in KKHH, the English neighbour in K3G, Rajpal Yadav in KHNH, Black Beast in KANK (oh save me!) and now Aunty in Dostana – how amateurish. Tarun boy, like a perfect disciple you paid rich tributes to your master by showing KKHH as a masterpiece. You will definitely go places. And pray, what was the hype surrounding the first man to man kiss in Hindi cinema? If you really want to see something outrageous, check out Tallediga nights: The Ballard of Ricky Bobby in which Will Farell kisses the daylights out of Sacha Cohen in the end. And what about the desi girl song, it crops up out of nowhere. How did the extremely conservative Mummy Kher accept her gay son and his partner with 5 second pravachan from Priyanka? Even if I ignore these facts, I can’t help notice to what depths the movie falls in the 2^nd half. All said and done, you will still mint money because of the hard sell and lack of competition. People who saw Drona, Kidnap, Karzzzz and the workssss will accept this with open arms.

 

 

“Sapnon ka canvas chota nahi ho sakta”

But if you wipe your bum on it, it doesnt make a pretty picture.

 

 

-Arun